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Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

As parents sometimes we just want to shield our kids from some painful truths that they don’t have to know. I am not saying to lie to them. I am just saying they don’t need to know the whole truth.

A case in point is little N and the goldfish that was hoisted unwittingly and unwanted upon us from her nursery.

To say that I am not a fan of pets is an understatement. Even so, I am not a completely evil mom so once many years ago, after my kids begged pitifully I broke down and we bought a bowl with goldfish. Let me just say that the poor fish did not survive too long.

Since then no pets have graced our household unless you count the occasional ants, spiders and the one huge scorpion. (The scorpion is a frightening early morning tale for another day.)

Honestly, why do my kids need a pet anyways? We only have a million neighbors with dogs. All of whom really like to bark and poo, mostly on my lawn it would seem.

So imagine my dismay when one morning my husband comes home from bringing little N to the nursery holding a plastic bag filled with water and in it a goldfish.

“What the heck is that?” I asked.
“It’s a goldfish, can’t you see?” He answered.

“Yeeeesss. I know it is a goldfish, but what exactly am I supposed to be doing with it?”
“You need to find a bowl for it.”

“Uh Uh! I don’t think so!”
“Well N’s nursery teacher wouldn’t let me refuse it. Seems they had given them out yesterday and N forgot hers.”

“Thank goodness she forgot yesterday but what am I supposed to do with it now?”
“I guess you are going to have to find a bowl.”

And with that Hubby hurried off to work with too much of a smirk on his face and left me to deal with the poor goldfish.

I was already breaking into a sweat worrying how disappointed N was going to be when the goldfish went missing if I got rid of it. And if I managed to keep it alive till she got home, where the heck was I going to get a bowl from?

Then suddenly I had a genius idea. I have friends who live a few blocks away and they have a goldfish pond in their backyard. Why not free the goldfish and let it live with others of its own kind. In nature!

I exchanged a few quick text messages with our friend who agreed to offer our fish a new home although he was not sure whether the fish would be an addition to their pond or dinner for the other bigger goldfish. That nagged at my conscience for about 2 seconds. It was short lived because I consoled myself saying better that the fish should serve some purpose rather than just get flushed down the toilet in a few days from now.

So I waited until little N got home from nursery. I got her all excited about going over to my friend’s house and bringing her fish to their pond. And we went with her clutching the little bag with the fish. She helped me put plop ease the fish into the pond. Thankfully at that point it was already getting dark so we never did learn the fate of Mr. Goldfish.

Just as well really, because sometimes kids just don’t need to know the whole truth. There is plenty of time in life for that. Better that when we are over at our friends’ house and N peers into the pond that she thinks her fish got so big. I like to think the same as well.

Have you ever kept the whole truth from your kids?

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This post was my response to a meme tag by Vicki at Vegemitevix. Take the tenth photo in your pictures’ folder and write about the photo’s story. (The photo of N with the bag full of goldfish). So although the photo is grainy because it was a download from my cell, it still thankfully had a story to tell. Thanks Vicki for tagging me and inspiring this post.

Now I would like to tag:

*Lori at Lwayswright’s Weblog

*Nappy Valley Girl

*Rachel At Really Rachel

*Not Such A Yummy Mummy (BTW-I disagree with her on that title. She is Yummy!)

*Not Drowning, Mothering

*Naomi At Organic Motherhood With Cool Whip

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Word To Mother
(Photo courtesy of Paolo )

Never and Always. Two words that are hardly ever accurate. I say hardly ever, because of course I can’t possibly say they are never accurate. That would just be a bit of an ironic twist.

Back in my younger years, (you know, like 5 years ago) when I was sufficiently naive and not yet jaded aware of how life really works, I still believed in the words always and never. I had complete faith in myself about my convictions and I had complete faith in my opinion of other people’s personalities and strengths. Nothing could change my opinions and the things I believed to be true would always be so. Or so I thought at the time.

Sadly, the world has changed. Not just for myself but in general. With new scandals right and left by people you can’t believe would or could ever have done the things attributed to them, you kind of lose your faith. You start to see that in essence, you cannot completely trust anyone or anything.

Never and always are two words that are just about impossible to use correctly or honestly. I have been racking my brains to see if there was any instance that they can be used correctly and the only thing I came up with was a sentence similar to the following one.

I have never eaten Pork. I know that to be true because I am Jewish and keep kosher. So to the best of my knowledge as long as no one pulled a fast one on me at some point during my life, I can honestly say that as far as I know I have never eaten Pork. (Hmm, even there I had to qualify my use of never.)

I also do tend to have a chuckle when some women use the word always in a sentence like this one: I always have great pregnancies. Lots of times I have heard that from women after only two pregnancies. Okay….so always in your two pregnancies you felt fine. Even with my 5 pregnancies, I don’t really think always is the right word. To me at least, it seems that always is a word you use after hundreds of times of doing something and even then I don’t like it because maybe the next time will be different. Next time may be the one to change your mind about how things are done and it won’t be always anymore.

Or maybe it is just me. My actual problem with the words are more in the context of sentences like: I will always….or he would never….

I used to believe that you could say with certainty about certain people that they would never do a specific thing or that someone would always love you. Over the years, I have changed my mind.

Mind you, I am not in any way saying that I have lost all hope for humanity or that I think the world is a horrible place. Not at all. I am just being realistic because I have realized that faced with certain situations, anyone can be capable of anything.

I hear the gasps of disbelief. No way! I would never kill anyone! I will always love my kids and spouse. For most of us, I believe that will probably be true. What I am saying though is that there may be some of us who for some reason or another are pushed into a corner and make decisions we thought we would never be capable of making.

Just for the sake of argument, if you had to kill someone to protect your child, I am sure most of us would have a hard time letting our child die when we could have taken some action. I hope none of us ever need to make that decision.

I started pondering this topic because my 18 year old son is leaving next week on a school trip to Poland called March of the Living. It is an educational program that brings Jewish youth from all over the world to Poland where they visit different concentration camps. There is a march of the living which takes place on the actual route many Jews were forced on a march of death into the gas chambers. The goal of the March of the Living is to lead these Jewish youth into the future vowing NEVER AGAIN. While as a Jew I truly hope this will be the case, history has shown us otherwise. Never is a word with really big shoes that are hard to fill.

I have two grandmothers who survived the Auschwitz concentration camp. I grew up hearing both at school and at home, many horror stories of what went on during the Holocaust. The stories that stuck with me the most were the stories of mothers who were forced to choose between their children. They were faced with the impossible choice of deciding who would stay with them and live and who would be taken from them and be killed. That is a choice any parent would say they could never make. Yet parents did make the choice when faced with losing all their children if they did not.

Auschwitz
(Photo courtesy of Bill Hunt )

My point in all of this was not to detail all the atrocities that happened during the Holocaust or that happen in the world these days. It was to point out that we cannot be certain about anything we might do or feel or say in this life. I don’t think anyone honestly knows for certain what they would never do or if they can be certain they will always do or feel something.

I believe that we can and should lead our lives with certain rules and choices. Obviously we should aim high and set high moral standards for ourselves. What I am also saying is that there really is nothing certain in this life except for death.

I personally have been trying very hard to keep never and always out of my vocabulary. I think we all need to face the fact that 100% certainty about anything in life is non existent. I think people would not fail in general and not fail us personally quite as much if we stop holding them to the impossible standard set by the use of the words always and never.

I know this post has been a deep and a bit somber one but my point was that we really should be careful with the words we chose, the generalizations we make and the people we put on pillars.

I would be curious to know how many of us have had a never or always belief shattered. I know I have.

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Well maybe sometimes trust and being naive do go hand in hand. Me personally, I’d rather be naive and trust freely than to start worrying about people’s possible motives.

cuteicon
(Photo courtesy of Miguel de Luis )

In my 40 years on this earth because of my inherent trust of people, I have been labeled many things. My favorite so called insult is being called a salesman’s dream. I actually like that one because being married to someone who is in sales, I like to think I am his dream. I have also been labelled gullible and of course I have been called naive.

The label I have been most tagged with is being too trusting. I don’t see that as a defect in me. I am actually proud of that trait. Give me someone who is too trusting over someone who is cynical any day of the week.

So why is trust so important? Because it helps us see the best in people. It helps us believe the best of the world.

My husband is a bit more skeptical than me. He would probably beg to differ and just call it being realistic. When I relate certain events or conversations to him, he is usually the one to pull my head out of the clouds and try and help me plant my feet on the ground. Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he doesn’t.

Sometimes my husband manages to convince me that maybe there is a hidden interest somewhere or that maybe the person’s motives weren’t all that altruistic. Other times I prove him wrong. We both read people well but in different aspects. He reads people’s body language and motives well. I read people’s emotions well. Neither of us are foolproof though.

Why is the issue of trust on my mind? Because without trust you start to doubt everyone and everything. I am a natural truster. I wear my heart on the sleeve. What you see is what you get.

Having recently joined the blogging community, I am still learning the ropes. I have been on a mothering forum for about three years but blogland is a little different than the community I am used to online. People blog because they have something to share with the world. For some it is about their everyday lives, for others it is about a bigger message. While I personally do blog for myself, I also want people to read what I write. If not I would not be online.

Rosie the Blogger
(Photo courtesy of Mike Licht )

Blogging like everything else in life is about networking and who you know. One way of getting new readers is to read and comment on other people’s blogs. I had a hard time with myself because I do think I am authentic and only want to comment on things that either make me laugh or touch me, not just to get someone else to my blog. Here and there I found myself commenting on things that I would not normally comment on. That’s when I caught myself, because I also started to wonder whether or not others are commenting on my posts for the wrong reasons. I started to lose my trust and my ability to judge people and their authenticity. If I could get sucked into this so easily, so can lots of others.

So I have decided to be true to myself. To find and follow the blogs that make me happy, that make me think or the blogs whose authors I feel I have a connection to.

I want to continue to be a trusting person even if it means that sometimes I continue to be naive.

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