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Posts Tagged ‘stubborn’

I am sure that we have all come across people who are so closed minded or unsmart (I know that is not a real word but I really don’t like to say stupid..oops, said it anyways) that there is almost no point in having any type of conversation with them. Or at least any conversation that involves them changing their own personal narrow minded point of view.

My kids are especially lucky to have been gifted genetically on both sides with stubborness. But even with all the stubborness in my immediate and extended family, when push comes to shove with my family if you actually have a good point you can reason with them. Sometimes you can even get them to agree with you.

Then there are people who are brick walls. They are as thick as one and as deaf as one and talking to them is actually like talking to a wall but the wall is probably more intellligent.

red bricks wall
(Photo courtesy of ezioman)

As you guys can guess, I had a frustrating experience with one of “them” the other day.

I have been debating about whether or not to write about this because I don’t like to label or judge people. I also don’t like talking negatively about people or making fun of them. I debated about it quite bit and decided that the point I will get to in the end is important enough to make.

So back to the story. I was working the other evening. The ER tends to bring out the worst in people whether it be patients, families and even the staff. People are stressed, feel ill, worried, anxious and of course impatient. I am generally patient but I am human and sometimes things do affect me. For instance the 10th time in 5 minutes someone asks me the same thing. I digress though.

The other evening there was an old woman in who was in pretty good shape for her age. She came in with her two grown sons. Forget about the fact that they were told numerous times that each patient can only have one person with them in the ER and they kept ignoring the guard and finding their way in.

That wasn’t even the problem. The sons’ mannerisms, manner of talking and choice of words really bothered me. Where I worked that evening is a kind of closed cubicle with me on the inside and the doctor and patients at the mouth of it. Basically a really unsafe scenario because if a patient gets violent I am cornered.

At one point one of the sons got into a shouting match with the doctor and said “So what should I do? I should slaughter the doctor?” As you can see really inappropriate.

IMG_9038
(Photo courtesy of Neeta Lind)
When they came over to me for blood tests, I started a conversation with the son while I was taking care of his mother. I first bought up the insight I had had about myself just a few days earlier when I had realized how some phrases I use I should be more careful about. I then tried to gently tell him how his choice of words was really not appropriate. I ended up talking to a brick wall.

Now I understand that when people are under stress they are less receptive, but that was not the issue here. This was just a very angry, slightly unsmart and close minded person. After about a minute or two I just gave up. Especially after he said that things only started moving for his mother in the ER once he started yelling and saying things like he had. (Little did he know that I held up sending his mother’s blood tests for a really long time because of that comment. Yup, the stubborn not nice part of me rears its head once in a while. I am sure I will have to pay for that karma at some point.)

Initially I found myself getting really upset at his guy. I mean come on man, I am giving you my time and words of wisdom, don’t you think you can just listen and take it to heart? I joke but being honest I think it did bother me that I really had a good point to make and something that if he took on board would make his life better and less angry and confrontational and he wanted to no part of it. He barely even acknowledged my words.

I also don’t like the bullying attitude where people think they get their way better or faster by yelling. Which is probably why I said something to begin with.

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination......365/365

Don’t get me wrong. As much as I would love to educate the world and help everyone live their lives better, I know that I am not going to change everyone. I also know that I don’t know everything. Not by a long shot.

That doesn’t stop me from trying because I have found that pointing something out to someone in a friendly way often makes them pause and think before they do the same thing in the future.

And then there are times that I just give up when I see the conversation is going nowhere except for getting on my nerves. A conversation like I had with “that” man. Times like that are really just a waste of your breath because the person is either too wrapped up in themselves or not intelligent enough to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe they really are very narrow and close minded and see the world only through their own point of view.

We see the inability to carry on a productive conversation with all kinds of people and often times with people who are hateful or rascists. I had gotten a rather hateful and shocking comment on a previous post of mine. A comment that I chose not to air on my blog because the person writing it just spewed hate and one sidedness.

What I have learned from both that incident and the work incident is that there are just times where no amount of reason, goodwill or nice words will help. There are people who don’t want to hear a point of view other than their own and have no interest in change.

So sometimes it is better to just walk away and remember that there are people who cannot be reasoned with. Or at least people who don’t want to be reasoned with. You cannot help anyone who does not want to help themselves. Remember that the only thing you can do is to change your own reaction to them and their behavior. And you can be thankful that you yourself have the capacity and desire to reason.

Have you ever been in this kind of frustrating situation?

Read Full Post »

I am sure that we have all come across people who are so closed minded or unsmart (I know that is not a real word but I really don’t like to say stupid..oops, said it anyways) that there is almost no point in having any type of conversation with them. Or at least any conversation that involves them changing their own personal narrow minded point of view.

My kids are especially lucky to have been gifted genetically on both sides with stubborness. But even with all the stubborness in my immediate and extended family, when push comes to shove with my family if you actually have a good point you can reason with them. Sometimes you can even get them to agree with you.

Then there are people who are brick walls. They are as thick as one and as deaf as one and talking to them is actually like talking to a wall but the wall is probably more intellligent.

red bricks wall
(Photo courtesy of ezioman)

As you guys can guess, I had a frustrating experience with one of “them” the other day.

I have been debating about whether or not to write about this because I don’t like to label or judge people. I also don’t like talking negatively about people or making fun of them. I debated about it quite bit and decided that the point I will get to in the end is important enough to make.

So back to the story. I was working the other evening. The ER tends to bring out the worst in people whether it be patients, families and even the staff. People are stressed, feel ill, worried, anxious and of course impatient. I am generally patient but I am human and sometimes things do affect me. For instance the 10th time in 5 minutes someone asks me the same thing. I digress though.

The other evening there was an old woman in who was in pretty good shape for her age. She came in with her two grown sons. Forget about the fact that they were told numerous times that each patient can only have one person with them in the ER and they kept ignoring the guard and finding their way in.

That wasn’t even the problem. The sons’ mannerisms, manner of talking and choice of words really bothered me. Where I worked that evening is a kind of closed cubicle with me on the inside and the doctor and patients at the mouth of it. Basically a really unsafe scenario because if a patient gets violent I am cornered.

At one point one of the sons got into a shouting match with the doctor and said “So what should I do? I should slaughter the doctor?” As you can see really inappropriate.

IMG_9038
(Photo courtesy of Neeta Lind)
When they came over to me for blood tests, I started a conversation with the son while I was taking care of his mother. I first bought up the insight I had had about myself just a few days earlier when I had realized how some phrases I use I should be more careful about. I then tried to gently tell him how his choice of words was really not appropriate. I ended up talking to a brick wall.

Now I understand that when people are under stress they are less receptive, but that was not the issue here. This was just a very angry, slightly unsmart and close minded person. After about a minute or two I just gave up. Especially after he said that things only started moving for his mother in the ER once he started yelling and saying things like he had. (Little did he know that I held up sending his mother’s blood tests for a really long time because of that comment. Yup, the stubborn not nice part of me rears its head once in a while. I am sure I will have to pay for that karma at some point.)

Initially I found myself getting really upset at his guy. I mean come on man, I am giving you my time and words of wisdom, don’t you think you can just listen and take it to heart? I joke but being honest I think it did bother me that I really had a good point to make and something that if he took on board would make his life better and less angry and confrontational and he wanted to no part of it. He barely even acknowledged my words.

I also don’t like the bullying attitude where people think they get their way better or faster by yelling. Which is probably why I said something to begin with.

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination......365/365

Don’t get me wrong. As much as I would love to educate the world and help everyone live their lives better, I know that I am not going to change everyone. I also know that I don’t know everything. Not by a long shot.

That doesn’t stop me from trying because I have found that pointing something out to someone in a friendly way often makes them pause and think before they do the same thing in the future.

And then there are times that I just give up when I see the conversation is going nowhere except for getting on my nerves. A conversation like I had with “that” man. Times like that are really just a waste of your breath because the person is either too wrapped up in themselves or not intelligent enough to have a meaningful conversation. Or maybe they really are very narrow and close minded and see the world only through their own point of view.

We see the inability to carry on a productive conversation with all kinds of people and often times with people who are hateful or rascists. I had gotten a rather hateful and shocking comment on a previous post of mine. A comment that I chose not to air on my blog because the person writing it just spewed hate and one sidedness.

What I have learned from both that incident and the work incident is that there are just times where no amount of reason, goodwill or nice words will help. There are people who don’t want to hear a point of view other than their own and have no interest in change.

So sometimes it is better to just walk away and remember that there are people who cannot be reasoned with. Or at least people who don’t want to be reasoned with. You cannot help anyone who does not want to help themselves. Remember that the only thing you can do is to change your own reaction to them and their behavior. And you can be thankful that you yourself have the capacity and desire to reason.

Have you ever been in this kind of frustrating situation?

Read Full Post »